Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. Many golfing terms sound naughty. Your fifth putt. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Watch their eyes. putt." My drives aren't always long and straight. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. Drops him off at the golf course! Jack Benny. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. If we . Are you looking for some funny jokes? 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. 4. 5. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Golf?! "Hockey is a sport for white men. 19+ Best Dirty Medical Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns And now it will be poisoned for you. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". He said. Intercourse! I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. Dirty Golf Jokes - Dirty Golfing Jokes - Jokes4us.com Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. P.G. It took one afternoon on the golf course. 3. 80+ Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings - CoolNSmart These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. Why dont skeletons play golf? Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. 8. Clubbing. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. What does a golfer do on his day off? when we were married," said the pouting wife. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. You shot an eight. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. Dirty Golf - pinterest.com How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. Dirty Golf Sayings. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Get in the hole! The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. You swing left and the ball goes right. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. Missed the ball and sank the divot. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. Wodehouse, 31. 157 Good Golf Quotes For You To Tee Up and Swing Away Just in case they get a slice! The Dalai Lama himself. He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. How the heck did that happen? Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. Bruce Lansky, Author. Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. Thats incredible. "Golf is like a love affair. Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. but I can show you what is! If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. 2. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. 3. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. On the Green In Two. Please add a link to this site. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. 3. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. - Mickey Mantle. 20 Of The Best Golf Quotes Ever - Golf Monthly Magazine Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Lee Trevino, 59. Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. QuotesGram 1. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! happen again! The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? 1. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? 3. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. On a golf course, nature is neutered. Jim Murray. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. clubs. I'll let you beat me. Sawdust City LLC. But you cant just forget not to think. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Top 10+ Funny Dirty Golf Pictures Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Andy who? Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. Your email address will not be published. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. Hilarious Golf Jokes That Will Have You Laughing on the Course | RD.ca Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Because they might get a slice. Are you a water hazard? Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. Mini Golf Captions. Dirty Golf Sayings Jokes - Sports Jokes - Jokes4us.com I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. We have a threesome, care to join us? Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. Whos there? Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. "If you break 100, watch your golf. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. One minute youre bleeding. I chipped in from the rough! This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. They have been there where we are standing now. How do you know you should be a golfer? It bends a little to the left. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? In case he got a hole in one! Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. It was glorious when you did! ~ George Bernard Shaw. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. P.G. 85+ Funny Golf Quotes That Will Be A Hit At The Clubhouse I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? Do you know why the game is called golf? I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. I am a Musician. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. 3 of 10. 5. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. Enjoy! Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. A great shot is when you pull it off. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. fodrizzle. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Is everything okay?. Required fields are marked *. Whats the difference between golf and sex? He was perfecting his swing. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Two, be your own person. Fore-get Me Nots. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? Andy. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. P.G. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. Whos there? What do you call a lion playing golf? Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." 50 Greatest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Choose An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. 1. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. What do golf and sex share in common? ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. Knock, knock Golf is very much like a love affair. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. 4. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. It will test your patience. 8. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. My three keys to success: One, work hard. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Here, have a carrot! He couldnt stop puttzing around! Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Man: Please dont go. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. 20 Funny Golf Sayings and Inspirational Golf Quotes Big pupils lead to big scores. Everyday I'm Schauffele. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants.