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Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Steve as Stefan] Steve? And I'm sorry. Heapingly, overflowingly, full! Laura: Well you're stubborn, irritating, loud, obnoxious, pushy, clumsy Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! Carl: I can't tell him I don't remember him! Addeddate 2019-09-04 04:56:23 Identifier steveurkel_201909 Scanner Internet Archive HTML5 Uploader 1.6.4. plus-circle Add Review. What are you? [splashes Waldo with the spiked punch]. Steve Urkel: [Runs across the couch to get away] Fine, fine, fine! It's not funny, it's dangerous. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Oh that's sweet, what did he say? This causes Steve, Waldo and Weasel to leave and Eddie laughs nervously]. Steve Urkel: Oh, Laura, my love. Laura: We're not going anywhere until the ground rules are straight. I was just talking with your grandmother. Steven Quincy Urkel (generally known as Steve Urkel or just simply Urkel) is a fictional character on the ABC/CBS sitcom, Family Matters, who was portrayed by Jaleel White. Rachel Crawford: When the paramedics got there, they thought SIXTY-SEVEN people had died! I can't! Robbins: Hey everyone, Laura Winslow's date is Steve Urkel. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Well now that depends, how nice of a Christmas gift do you want. Oh, good. Harriette Winslow: What's the matter, not feeling well? Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, I was steamed, I didn't want to do something I'll regret. [Stefan tries to stop the chamber and the chamber ends up being busted. Harriette Winslow: Carl, I'm up in Laura's room and she looks at me, and she asks 'Why, Mom? Cassie Lynn: Look, Becky Sue. Every time I ask her about it, she just cries and takes another Rolaid. Carl: I don't have to take this, I'm going home! I can teach you how to cook. Harriette: Judy, finish your Brussels sprouts. Their own version of the 3 R's? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: These last 2 weeks have been wonderful for me. Laura: Every time we order another course, you bring your chair closer. Well, why didn't you tell me? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Why are you upset, Waldo? Would you reward me with a kiss? Don't mess with Mrs.Bonecrusher! I can't afford a B on my permanent record. There's lots of reasons why I don't love you. Cassie Lynn: All's fair in love and politics. Steve Urkel. Rachel Crawford: Honey, how long were you in there? Steve Urkel: I've never tried out for athletics before and the equipment list says that every guy should wear a cup. Rachel Crawford: Mother Winslow, when you when you Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Bite the big one? Introducing yourself to someone new is always scary, whether you're on an app or in person, since the possibility of rejection is part of the deal. Maybe abrasive is the wrong word. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Seymour Butts? Carl: [in an Urkel like voice and gives Stefan some money] Here takes some casher rooney and fix it sooney. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wrong, cummerbund breath. But, like they say in the movie "Love Story" 'Love means never having to say I'm sorry Steve, but I'm takin' yo chick'. This library card is proof that ONE person can make a difference. Laura: Where did you get the money for this? Pull your gun right now. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: He must've been dangerous. Can you help me out? More like The Repulsions. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Allison, is that true? Carl's first word was Donut. The Its PurpL logo features the young mug of White as Steve Urkel, with his signature Coke-bottle spectacles and high-top fade haircut that blends into a purple haze riding above the floating. If I remember correctly, the safest place to be during a nuclear explosion is in a reinforced basement. Waldo: Laura, I know I'm just wasting my time, but would you like to kinda, maybe go out with me, sorta, tomorrow night, maybe? Pick a general observation about her personality. Rachel Crawford: I'll just take your word for it. And we practiced for six minutes! "Will you marry me for just one night?" 7. Make my day! Laura Lee Winslow: Did they let you take one? Harriette: [unsympathetic] Yes! A minor Betty Crocker boo boo. Steve Urkel: Come on everybody, let's ooh the durkel! You have the right to have an attorney present. This is my grandmother's wedding and $1500. He opted ofr early retirement. [reading] "Mongu! Steven Quincy Urkel: Gee, I don't know, the speedometer only goes to thirty. Why, it'll ruin my transcript! Laura Lee Winslow: I'm not sure what day is this? With Squeeze I'm not safe nowhere. I offered you my heart and you stomped that sucker flat! Steve Urkel: [collecting] Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Ms. Steuben: Oh, good. Steven Quincy Urkel: Don't interrupt me! Steve Urkel: [singing] Fishing on Lake Wannamuk. Steve Urkel: But, I've been practicing and my progress is impressive, even if I do say so myself. Carl Otis Winslow: Hey sweetheart, how about some pie? Steve Urkel: [Climbs over the balcony and falls] Oh! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Laura, do you mind if your old grandmother tells you a story? And most of all, you don't have to deal with bullies. Carl Otis Winslow: I do not care what other people think. Cop: You two are going to juvenile hall until your parents pick you up. Laura Lee Winslow: It was just a little practical joke. Harriette Winslow: Mr. Niedermeyer, the only thing that's gonna go by is you. Just you and me. Why would anybody want to kill her? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wait just a minute here, Mr.McClure. Steve Urkel: Nine years, three months, two weeks, four days, six hours, eight minutes, and fourteen seconds fifteen seconds sixteen seconds. Laura: Steve, I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd tutor Todd. Steve Urkel: [points to Eddie] His words, not mine. Steve Urkel: I can't! It can't explode or anything? Willie Fuffner: [sigh] That's different. "Tomorrow, Dad!" Rodney Beckett: I'm Rodney, but my friends call me Rod-meister. In fact, they finally introduced me to my grandparents. Steve Urkel: [cracks up] Oh, that's rich! Maybe a better word is Loud. Steve is the perfect son. [Laura has stuffed her bra with Eddie's socks], Steve Urkel: [entering] Hi gang! Laura Lee Winslow: [enters the room] All right, Curtis. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Make one, then Xerox It! Some of our pickup lines are real-life applicable. This isn't my grandmother. Harriette: Come on, sweetie, let's get you home and then I can put some antiseptic on those cuts. Daniel Wallace: Hey, man. I'm sorry, call you next week? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well hold on there big guy, listen to this. Me and Laura went ice skating together. Steven Quincy Urkel: I'm not through! A spin-off of Perfect Strangers, the series revolves around the Winslow family, a middle-class African American family living in Chicago, Illinois. Having aired 215 episodes, Family Matters is ranked third, behind only Tyler Perry's House of Payne (254), and The Jeffersons (253). Can you carry me home? And I know that baseball card meant a lot to you. Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: [Unstraps his gloves] Sir, not only have you harrassed and insulted me, but you have sullied the reputation of my lady love. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl, you lazy slug! [Waldo has just given Eddie a list of IOU at Mighty Weenie]. Well, actually it's Quincy, but you guys get the picture. [laughs]. Laura: You know, I just don't get why people are so afraid of our history. Steve Urkel: Oh, nothing. Harriette Winslow: Abrasive? You're my friend. Verbs are our friends. Steve Urkel: Well, that may be what happened, but it won't be what the people believe. We should put those pictures in the school paper. I bought a new dress and you say you can't take me? Steve Urkel: Oh yeah, just last week, she actually telephoned me in the middle of the night. You had two whole days to forget where it was. From now on, no parties and no TV. Estelle Winslow: Carl! Harriette Winslow: I know. Carl Otis Winslow: Now honey, it's really ok Harriette Winslow: No it's not ok, Carl. Carl Otis Winslow: Calm down, Harriette, you're overreacting. I'm here. Carl: Of all the names that I have called you , the one that bothers you is butthead? [the photographer takes a snap shot of Eddie nerously laughing as Carl drives him away]. We all stand nice and quiet until Gramps and Granny make it legal. The rest of the rules are covered in this contract. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, cash is so impersonal. And from that day on, EVERYBODY could use that library. Steven Quincy Urkel: Look, you've got this big bed. Laura: Thank you, Steve. It helps to determine how much help you need. Carl Otis Winslow: That's right, that petition was a great idea. Laura: Yeah. I'd lay one on you that would weld your glasses to your face. We're having big fun here. Now hit the sack. Rachel Crawford: Mother Winslow, guess what? Oh, the room is spinning. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Who would've thought Harriette was a bit friendly. Steve could've been killed. I don't know what to say. Laura Lee Winslow: No no no, a GEEK party, as in nerd, doofus. Why, because of you, he's swapping recipes with Wolfgang Puck. Midway through the first season, the show introduced the Winslows' nerdy neighbor Steve Urkel (Jaleel White), who quickly became its breakout character and eventually the show's main character. Myrtle Urkel: Frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn. Laura: Just let me fall! Carl Otis Winslow: That's wonderful, son. [Handing out] Menu, menu, menu, menu, menu. Carl Otis Winslow: Laura, what's going on in here? Steve Urkel: Oh, I am so glad you said that! You're acting like animals! We'll start with a common Korean phrase. Harriette Winslow: Laura, you've had your head in those books all morning, got a big test coming up? Chuck is twice the man, Raoul is. Stefan Urkelle: It's not just a transformation chamber. Eddie swoops in and starts taking pictures]. I'm in big trouble! Because check this out buddy, you're alone. Eddie: I meant, I haven't seen her today. [does Steve's laugh and snort]. What bright side, Weasel? Steven Quincy Urkel: But I'm going the recommended cruising speed for this vehicle Any more could be risky. Then, I drove you here in *my* car, and were you pleasant company? So go ahead, FIRE ME! It meant a lot to me. Steve Urkel: From my stay-away fund. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I feel so safe in Raoul's strong arms I love him soo much and I sorta like Carl. How would you like it if I put Jheri Curl in your deodorant? Carl Otis Winslow: Two stalks of broccoli and three pieces of asparagus? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: DAN DRUFF? Harriette, THERE IS A CAR IN THE LIVING ROOM! Steve Urkel: Don't panic, my love! Cop: It's also against the law. Steve Urkel: Swell, Punch! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well of course it's a Greek party, it's a sorority! Waldo: Hey, you don't have to like my cookin', but, please, don't call me names! Steve, what happened? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You won't be sorry, sir. Calm down, easy. Laura Lee Winslow: [in tears] Daddy, everything's a mess! urkel-steve. Laura Lee Winslow: If I hadn't started that petition, none of this would've happened. At a party, once, he clamped cables to his earlobes and jump-started a Volkswagen. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Ok dad. Steve Urkel: [Talking to Eddie and his girlfriend] You heard her, you're all witnesses. One minute, "Moo!" You know what? Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. Halawna, Oneisha: [pop up in the car Clarence stole] Surprise! [someone has just smashed into Lt. Murtaugh's classic car]. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Why are ya gonna do that, Willie? I never got an 'A' before. This is my mother. Laura Lee Winslow: [Urkel voice] Seasons Greetings, Winslows! Steve Urkel: [sobbing] No, it's Myra, her cold got worse. Harriette Winslow: So what you're saying is it's full. Steven Quincy Urkel: Land sakes, woman. Could you write that A down on a piece of paper? Harriette Winslow: Carl Winslow, this is the most insensitive, unromantic gift I have ever received. But I have feelings, too. Maxine Johnson: Ooh Laura, you look good. Waldo: Yeah, but I was so nervous when I asked her out that before she could answer, I barfed all over her shoes. [Willie grabs Waldo and takes him with the cops who arrested them], [Steve has humiliated Willie at the party that he grabs a small glass of Vodka and pours it into Urkel's cup]. I'm in college. This semester we're Steven, you'd better get going. He's usually knee deep in dead mosquitoes. Carl Otis Winslow: [after picking up Eddie who was arrested for gambling] Edward, stop looking around for Steve, he's at his own home having this same conversation with his parents. It's like wanting to touch a star- you know you'll never reach it but you've just gotta keep trying. Rachel Crawford: I'm what? Or was it yellow? Waldo: But, why ya gonna do that, Willie? Laura Lee Winslow: No, it's the whole school! Myra Monkhouse: Eddie, Waldo? Suppose I made it happen. Let me tell you something though Weasel. Steve Urkel: Okay. The people that did this to us are teaching the same GARBAGE to their kids. Shen I suggested it, her lovely eyes were momentarily clouded with nausea. "I have a pen, you have a phone number. He doesn't have the advantages to see how good the cops are like our kids have. Waldo: We rented us a limo station wagon. So, I figured if I doubled the temperature, I could cook it in half the time. I'm not your personal doormat. Urkel defeats him]. There's no justification for this behavior! Did you know an African American helped design the blueprint for Washington, D.C.? Carl: I am not. You need to get out more. I'm getting dizzy. "No mo giet itsu mana! Never snort with a hangover! Hey Steve, would you like a breast? Or are they just lame? Rachel Crawford: Steve!, Steve! 6. Jaleel White had a very busy handful of years in the '90s. Waldo, you may go now. Laura: Well, then not even in your dreams. Carl Otis Winslow: Edward Arthur Winslow, son I'm ashamed of you. [Pulls Steve to other side of room] Steven, last semester I specifically asked you what class you would not be taking this semster and you told me HOME EC! Raoul asked me out, but I told him that I was happily married. Well, name a couple. It's fascinating. Steve Urkel: I think it's because these pants are so loose! My daughter's been hurt and I can't do a thing about it. Eddie has lied . [Calls Laura's Cell and gets OGD instead]. Waldo: Thanks for helping me find the gym. Steve Urkel: [shows up in the living room with his flowers from the cemetery] Hi Laura, these are for you. Harriette: Don't even think like that. Ms. Steuben: All right, class. Everywhere you look, TV, movies, magazines, all these 90 pound people, smiling, dancing where do they get the strength? Carl: Rough. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Listen, Melissa may not be a cover girl. Steve Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me? Steve Urkel: I hurt myself. Rachel Crawford: Sort of an Urkel Exchange Program? Lt.Murtaugh: Do you know that woman Winslow? It was the most terrifying five minutes of my life, second only to watching Lord of the Dance! Cassie Lynn: Becky Sue! Laura: [as Steve walks he sobs and cries on Laura's shoulder] What's the matter baby, did you eat some bad cheese again? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: O.k., but I'm not Home. This is amazing! But I recognized him right away. [strikes a pose] Laura? Baby Girl: You couldn't push me out of this park if you wanted to! I got a nosebleed at birth. Rachel Crawford: She keeled over leading a game of Simon says! Could you write that 'A' down on a piece of paper? [poins to the part on Harriette's diary] Aha, it's over with me and Raoul. Laura Lee Winslow: Hey, my locker's open! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yeah, well you have to get rid of them. We've got cheerleaders taller than him. Steve Urkel: I can't! Lionel: Really? "I'm Asian, so I'll eat your cat." 2. Sergeant Shishka: Don't insult my Army. This poker game is important to you and I messed it up by inviting this windbag. They're disgusting. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No, I *am* a serious little nerd. No Traffic. They help move along our sentences. Harriette Winslow: You have to understand, back in Detroit where he's from, the police are considered the enemy, so he doesn't trust them. Carl Otis Winslow: Or in my case, Hello Rubber Chicken. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Oh they love the new me. Not bells, Swiss Melody Chimes. I do not like 30 people hanging around my shoulder, saying "Hey Senora, can you eat a little faster?". Why, how low can you get? I'll be in all the videos. I can't breathe! CNN Actor Jaleel White is joining the growing list of celebrities who have launched a cannabis brand. Steve Urkel: I can't believe this! Check it out: Urkelbot: [Dirty Harry Impression] Go ahead, punk! Doo da doo da. Steve Urkel: Whoa. So I walked in the library, sugar, I couldn't believe my eyes, there were THOUSANDS of books just sitting there waiting to be read. There is no Steve here. But honey, let's put a positive spin on it. These kids are gonna ruin everything, they have to go. We'll go camping together some other time. Why, you teach us things about life! [Turns and squirts filling on Carl's shirt]. You trifled with my emotions! If you hit me, do I not sneeze? Steve Urkel: Why, sure! [Eddie has just realized his mistake in standing his father for the chance to go out on his date with a girl that he likes]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wait Wait. OGD now knows the police aren't enemies]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Ok, you talked me into it. Carl Otis Winslow: There was an E.Coli scale in the chocolate and I tasted a few to make sure the box was safe. Laura Lee Winslow: [as Laura Wigglesworth, pointing a gun at Johnny] The narration to finish! I've decided to retire from the theatre arts department. And I like the Red Sox. Pick-up lines get a bad rap for being cheesy and cringe-worthy, but if you start your conversation with the right dose of interest and humor, you may end up scoring a date or a number. Just as I thought. [faints]. right next to the bathroom. Every time I'm around them, my mind goes blank. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What's your aunt's name, who'd want to kill her, and who do you like in the World Series? [Carl hits the mantel] Carl. Judy Winslow: Boring. I wanna show you something. Steve Urkel: [Hanging on a ledge] I've fallen and I can't get up! So to see if he can find the best, Steve challenged a few men to put their usuals to the test!SUBSCRIBE to get t. Steve Urkel: I know! Carl Otis Winslow: Ohohoho and they are personal and private. [Comes in the lving room with Mother Winslow as Eddie is taking his frustrations out on his sack of dirty laundry because Carl has just taken Waldo to the Chicago Bulls game instead of him]. You would win the gold. This has never happened before. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: It was Jan Matzeliger, in 1883. It's either a number or a letter! She imforms Maxine that Steve is safe and Rachel has just taken him home], Willie Fuffner: See officer, everything is fine. Where did you get the money for this? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Wow. Waldo: Fifteen and that's as high as I'm going. Steve Urkel: [Rushed] That's all. When I was born when the doctor slapped me, I SHOT him! Laura: No! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to Carl] Worse. Judy: Were all of Dad's friends named Darnelle? [He leaves the house]. I realize the reason you don't love me is because I'm weak. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: How could you mess this up? I love you more than life itself. Can you imagine that? But, I'd be willing to pay you. When are you going to the store?