why do i feel responsible for my family's happiness why do i feel responsible for my family's happiness

She seems to like it best when all of my waking hours are focused on my "to-do" list. What is the one thing that bothers you the most about caregiving? I just need a few things to get you going. With me changing they changed and after time b/c they couldn't push the same buttons the had before. Skip to the front of the line by calling (888) 848-5724. Some unhappiness and misery is inevitable. Your mother is clinging onto her best option, irrespective of the fact that it is crushing you. Ask yourself: Would I like to change? So if you dont want to keep your partner and your loved ones undifferentiated, and if you want to grow, then remember that you are not responsible for their feelings. Her work can be found on Role Reboot, Alternet, and on her blog: Two Parts Smart-Ass; One Part Wisdom. The material of this web site is provided for informational purposes only. A practice of gratitude is one of the easiest and most rewarding good habits you can develop. People who are hurting dont need Avoiders, Protectors, or Fixers. I wasn't real happy about that but my parents were cool and independent. And for the most powerful antidote to social comparison, try this: gratitude. Only stick around and engage with her when she's being nice to you. Certain hormones are known to help promote positive feelings, including happiness and pleasure. Get an easy-to-understand breakdown of services and fees. What beliefs feed that worry? If she does not want to socialize, spend time and effort with others, well of course she will be lonely. I include some resources around addiction recovery in this postand at the bottom of this post. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. I watched Queen Victoria's Children, in three parts, on Youtube. Are they realistic? If you are worrying over a problem that actually could arise in the future, make a realistic plan and write it down. Could you STOP right now? Get personalized guidance from a dedicated local advisor. Someone abused you. Well, fast-forward a decade and dad ends up with dementia and now is in a care home. All Rights Reserved. It doesnt matter whether youve read Judgment Detox, youre in the middle of it or you havent started it yet. Sometimes I believe that all parents do things for their. Unless you are writing a novel or a screenplay, using your imagination to spin tales that are outrageous, hurtful, or even horrifying can be harmful to your sanity and peace of mind. Pray, pray for forgiveness and enter My Father's Kingdom in glory where you, and your loved ones, will be welcomed into the Light of Pure Love. And, in fact, trying to take on the responsibility of another person's happiness can hurt them in the long run and deprive them of miracles. Isthisrealyreal, she seems most content when I'm doing nothing but working and taking care of their business. PostedJanuary 24, 2017 So dont rob your partner of a chance to grow. Dad was a wonderful man, and I was happy to help. Im not talking about bottled water either, just the water that flows through the pipes into your house or apartment. You might also like to check out my Living with Ease courseor visit mySelf-Care Shop. She led a study about . Mind if I turn up the heat? I need some alone time right now. Acting more assertive is thrilling, no matter how small the issue. One of the practices is a beautiful prayer that will help you release the desire to fix someone or be responsible for their happiness. Why do I feel responsible for everyone's feelings? Any suggestions? I always have a dark cloud looming over my shoulder : ( When I was a teenager I suffered from depression. When youre experiencing beautiful shifts and miracles, you often want to help others. Examples: I must be a dumb person to have made that mistake. I guess Ill never do anything right. Im such a moron!. Curious? Assael Romanelli, Ph.D., is a clinical social worker and a licensed couple and family therapist based in Israel. Replace your thoughts with more realistic ones that help you internalize the fact that you cant be fully responsible for someone elses happiness and that worrying wont change this. You feel its your fault when other people feel bad. Just like you, others are subject to a complex set of causes and conditions so nothing is entirely their fault. This is not your problem. Most of us have felt for our entire lives that our personal needs are weird and inconvenient to others. Its impossible for you to be responsible for everything because of interdependence. Their pain is their pain, and your pain is your pain. 4-6 If you have said 'yes' to nearly half you are probably in the process of separating but need to go further. Just let them meet themselves. Rich people in idillic enviable lives can be depressed, as proven by the not too unusual celebrity overdose or suicide. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Im just this way. My father was like this too, so Ive got the genes for smoking.. Think of ways to drop down your own niceness and to make AL seem more attractive than what you provide. Certainly, in any healthy relationship. Reflect on this profound idea often, until it becomes a part of your being. SHE is the queen and should be chauffeured around, yada yada. His therapist has been trying to get him to understand that he can't be responsible for anyone else's emotions or happiness and he's interpreted it to mean he's free to do and say whatever he wants without consideration of how his actions are affecting others. That number felt too high for the reality of their current symbiotic avoidance of pain. He's had the shit end of the stick, lost his mum, dad and brother within a few years, was abused by his sister . I don't want to take care of my mother anymore but I don't want to put her in a home. If you can stay grounded and not retreat and apologize for what you just said, over time your partner may return to this topic with a question or may wish to share his or her own hurt on this matter. How much effort and energy will I have to invest in cheering them up or asking for forgiveness? Over time, such mental effort can lead you to start avoiding your partner, since you already have enough on your plate. It is our job to be there for them no matter how they feel. Recall any times you took responsibility for what yourereallynot responsible for and consider how it impacted you. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), an approach that focuses on our thoughts and actions, is effective in reducing the anxiety caused by responsibility for others happiness. I should be able to handle this. Do you really believe youre in charge and that your worry can change anything? You are responsible FOR your words, choices, dreams, feelings and TO him. I can't handle this on my own. These are opportunities to pivot, to hit our knees and fully surrender. I have a "Debbie Downer" friend. You cant be responsible for everything because you are not autonomous. She hates everybody and has no friends, even though she acts so lovey dovey to everyone's face. Don't even think about either outcome. We are our own worse enemies. 6. How to Stop the Misery: Instead of comparing your situation to that of others, make your own life as good as possible. How did it feel? Meg Selig is the author of Changepower! As Lori Gordon writes, you might be a factor in their life that influences their experience, but you cannot take responsibility for their emotional happiness. It sounds like you've been through a lot starting when you were very young and carrying that into adulthood. Misery-Maker 7: Comparing yourself to others. At least that will help YOU deal with the guilt a bit more. Skip to the front of the line by calling (888) 848-5724. Mom has reached the denial stage regarding everyday dumb stuff. Modern culture encourages us to think that we are free, independent agents. Examples: Why do you always say the wrong thing? Why cant you lose weight? Whats wrong with you?, No, its not your worst enemy saying that; its your own critical inner voice. 37 Secrets to Habit Change Success. Wouldnt it be wonderful to live from love, compassion, and ease instead of beating yourself up every day? And she needs you! Mom wants her room to be over 80 degrees most of the time. I help deep thinking, heart-centered people find greater ease emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Mom has reached the denial stage regarding everyday dumb stuff. You could try small experiments. trustworthy health. (2016, May 5). It often begins innocently enough: for myriad reasons, we care, and we want others to be happy. She needs to go to the roots of her unhappiness and change her thinking. Misery-Maker 2: Judging yourself in a harsh way. How to Attract Love and Stop Comparing Your Relationship Status, Accepting People Where They Are So You Can Be Free, The Fun and Spiritual Way to Release Fear Fast, Be Happier by Taking On the 1 Sneaky Thing That Drains Your Happiness, Are You Over-Spiritualizing? Get out and spend time with friends and create your own positive environment which will also work to lessen the effects you feel from your mom's criticisms. Behavior like your husband's involves caring about himself but not others. It can help you achieve your goals and objectives in any area of your life. I'm not sure though. I asked him how much he really wants to hear her from 1 (not really interested) to 10 (dying to hear her laments). You want to help them find the solution, make smart choices and see the light. You can call 911 next time she threatens suicide and say she is a danger to herself and potentially others. Being a responsible person helps us to: Be more honest: When we tend to tell the truth and keep our promises, the people around us will . Success is staying with them while they cry. I feel all their problems are because of me and I am worthless and cannot ever do anything to repay for what they are doing for me. It can sometimes be easier to start with behaviors/actions. Spirit accepts what is true, which is that we are all love. You are responsible for no onew happiness except your own. I know these are my feelings and I should of not let the guilt get to me. Keep an open mind. Gradually, make choices much more in harmony with your True Self. Say no to activities and people that drain your self-confidence and energy. Welcome to my island of sanity and serenity. How long can you go on feeling like you're responsible for their happiness (when you give up your own)? But almost all of us take responsibility for more than our part, though it may appear on a subtle or subconscious level: Thats a sign that we think we alone are responsible. Sometimes it's easier to blame yourself for a problem than to accept that the situation was never within your control. You feel it's your fault when other people feel bad. These "happy hormones" include: Dopamine: Known as the "feel-good" hormone, dopamine is a. Start doing one think today for youself. I want to encourage you to really own that you are not here to deprive anyone of their bottom. I had to change. Sometimes when we accept someone for who they are, all we can do is accept them and move on from our relationship with them. Your responses assure me that it's OK to be happy and leave the dark cloud to hang out in the air alone while I do so. How to stop the misery: Replace negative self-talk with realistic and positive self-talk. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. The relationship becomes toxic and we become sick from breathing in the fumes everyday. AgingCare.com connects families who are caring for aging parents, spouses, or other elderly loved ones with the information and support they need to make informed caregiving decisions. Not taking responsibility for someone's happiness is much different that not caring about others' feelings, thoughts, etc. One of the reasons I can't do my hw is I know it'll make me happy but that makes me feel uncomfortable because I've spent my whole life worrying about her happiness and her needs while sacrificing mine.